Maintain Your Inner Independence

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me. While many of us know this childhood jingle, we cannot all say it rings true 100% of the time. Words are very powerful and typically say more about the person speaking than the person listening. Words change lives, can ignite healing or provoke dis-ease, if they are abusive. This is true not necessarily about what is said, but how we handle or process what is said. However, no one should willingly expose themselves to demeaning or abusive communications from anyone under any circumstances.  No, not even from your employer.  That would be a sure sign that it’s time to move on.  But I digress.

I haven’t written on my blog post in over a month now and I finally had to admit to myself, what triggered this pause in posting was a comment made by a recipient of our newsletter. In addition to unsubscribing, she took the time to explain why. Her comments pierced me to the core. Due to the fact that we have so few readers who responds to the newsletter or blog posts in writing, it often feels like I’m just talking to myself. Is there anybody out there???  But while readers seldom leave written comments, many have come up to me in person to say they enjoy the newsletter and blog posts.

Recently a friend on Facebook mentioned her desire to give up sugar and I referred her to my blog post on the topic – Sugar – The Sweetest Poison of All. This brilliant woman who is a published author, accomplished intellectual, a professor at a prestigious university and wonderful person, immediately shared  with me that she loved my blog. And just those few words really meant so much to me.  In addition to my resolve on this matter, they gave me impetuous to say, please unsubscribe.  I only need to speak with those who are interested in what I’d like to share.

It can be very unsettling to allow ourselves to be so easily influenced, like a leaf in the wind. We all know better than that. We would be absolutely miserable if we attempted to live our lives allowing what others say to influence how we feel and what we do based on what they say; when they approve of us then we’re happy and if they don’t approve of us, then we’re miserable. The first rule is, don’t take it personally, as it relates to anyone, but particularly with strangers. This customer (and each recipient) has every right to unsubscribe and explain why they’re not interested in what I have to share. As the good book (I-Ching – Book of Changes) advises – maintain your inner independence – take not gain nor loss to heart.  These words sound so simple, but depending on what it is you’re trying to be centered about and not be an emotional mess, taking this stance can be exceedingly challenging.

This is one of the hallmarks of my spiritual journey,  mastering maintaining inner independence. So how I allowed this one comment to throw me so completely off my center, is something I dealt with in my meditation.  Inner independence is a way of saying, be centered.  Let not your emotions determine how you feel and function. In some instances that is easy.  In other instances it can be such a major cross roads, it can be the difference between living life fully or being totally miserable and spreading your misery to others.  So maintaining inner independence can be a very serious endeavor depending on what’s happening in your life. I have formulated a number of Spiritual Spritzers to address different challenges in life and one of them is called Centering.  It’s perfect to use for those time when you need to maintain your equilibrium. Formulated with both essential oils and tinctured herbs, it instills the energy of oneness, to be single minded, not torn or any matter.  And also it can be used to remind us that all of us are one, from the same one source, God, the Divine, by any name you choose to use.

With the help of my meditations, using the Spiritual Spritzer and the kind words of my friend Imani (a name that means, faith or trust) I have reclaimed my center and I’m back!  Please feel free to unsubscribe to this newsletter and or blog if it is not for you. I know how it is.  We have a limited amount of time and we should spend it doing what inspires us.  I realize that what I have to say is of value to someone and if I am able to encourage just one person to follow the road that will bring that person closer to a healthy, wholesome and or enlightening perspective or inspire them to take a closer look at the beauty they share with this world, then I’ve met my goal. That is my mission. Have a most beauty-filled day!


  1. Monique Johnson January 31, 2017 at 3:21 pm

    Thank you for sharing! My experiences at Khamit Kinks are quite pleasurable. I started having my locs done, many years ago. I stopped having my hair done professionally when I became a Mother. My Son is eleven, and I promised him that he could begin to loc his hair at age 11. It was nice to have the same hairdresser that groomed my locs, start my Sons hair. Thank you Sesh. We’ll see you soon?

    • anu February 1, 2017 at 5:28 am

      Welcome back Monique! Wow, time has gone by, with your baby now at eleven years old. Yes, Sesh is such a blessing to all who have the opportunity to work with her or to just be in her presence. She is right a rain, always steady, always lovely. Enjoy!

  2. Carolyn Grimstead January 31, 2017 at 4:21 pm

    Your blogs are wonderful and inspiring. Please don’t falter; continue!!

    • anu February 1, 2017 at 5:29 am

      Awww! Thank you Carolyn! It’s because of clients like you, that we are still here. Continued blessings to you.

  3. Jacqueline January 31, 2017 at 5:12 pm

    I love your blogs instra gram posts and website. I think it’s beautiful, inspiring and did I say beautiful.

    • anu February 1, 2017 at 5:30 am

      Oh my goodness! You and many others have brought me to tears this morning. I didn’t expect such encouragement. Thank you Jacqueline.

  4. Laura Williams January 31, 2017 at 6:11 pm

    Anu, just know this. We appreciate you and enjoy reading your lovely posts, even if we fail to tell you on a regular basis. Keep doing what you’re doing, we need this! ?



    • anu February 1, 2017 at 5:31 am

      Thank you so much Laura. I’m not the type of person who looks for acknowledgement, but it certainly is a beautiful feeling. Many Thanks!

  5. Erika January 31, 2017 at 7:44 pm

    Hi!! I just wanted to comment and say that I have missed your blog posts. I look forward to them immensely. I got my entire life from reading regular installments of “ask anu”.

    Meeting you was such a treat when I came in for my consultation a few years back and it was your salon and staff who aided me on my journey via the big chop done by doc Hollywood (hi doc!) And I walked away with the “anu fro” after being recommended by you. While I came for a hair consultation what I got was much much more. It was a love session and my soul was fed.

    It was like I sat at the feet of my aunt or other women folk in my family and got some good loving.

    Living in Philadelphia, I don’t get to the salon often. So the blog posts, instagram pictures and your communications are what keeps me connected.

    I can’t speak for the other person who unsubscribed (we all have bad moments/days) but please feel free to post to your hearts content! I’d even enjoy live video from you as well! I enjoyed when you would keep us posted on your garden your current hair styles and the festivals in and around Brooklyn.

    I’ve since bug chopped 2 more times since I came to khammit kinks back in 2010, but this post has me wanting to plan a road trip to get an in person dose of the vibes and love you, your salon and staff bring.

    Please keep going!

    Lovingly signed,
    A recipient of your sunshine 🙂

    • anu February 1, 2017 at 5:40 am

      OMGoodness Erika, I’m over here having a festival of tears. My heart is so moved by all who took the time to in there own way, say Thank you. I did reach out to this client and she admitted she was having a bad day and feels overwhelmed by thinking she must respond to every email. Whatever the reason, we all have our days, and her comment has lead to all of this. And as Romans 8:28 states “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” So Thank you for the encouragement. I am making every effort to walk the road that speaks to my heart and that will assist me in uplifting myself, and therefore my sisters and our people, all people. That is my mission. Big hug and continue blessing!

  6. Frances Jennings-Cooke January 31, 2017 at 7:52 pm

    I love your blog. Please continue to give us encouragement. God bless

    • anu February 1, 2017 at 5:26 am

      Awww! Thank you Frances! Blessings!

  7. Sandra Brawner January 31, 2017 at 11:33 pm

    I like your blog and style. I would love to try your oils and herbs, but can not at the moment. looking forward to the future and what God has in store. Keep up the good work. Blessings.

    • anu February 1, 2017 at 5:26 am

      Timing is everything and there will come a time. Looking forward to sharing with you Sandra.

  8. Debra A. James February 1, 2017 at 5:58 am

    Your “Maintain Your Innocence” post resonates. It reminded me of a recent piece that appeared in a daily free newspaper by another woman business owner about an occasional customer who makes toxic complaints; she has introduced regular meditation to her team because as you point out words can be debilitating if recipient is not centered. I’m working on resuming my meditation practice to deal with the occasional sometimes extremely hateful anonymous e-mails and posts from angry and unhappy individuals I encounter in my profession, and will try your spritzers. Thank you for your blogs and services so full of love and caring.

    • anu February 1, 2017 at 6:09 am

      Hi Debra, it’s so interesting the word you replaced in the article title. The article is Maintain your Independence, but you put Innocence, which is a nice perspective on the matter. Because how wonderful it would be if we all could maintain our innocence? Yes, unfortunately, there are many people who are in need healing in this world. They suffer and so by default they cause others to suffer. Meditation is a wonderful way to gain help and inner strength that can allow us to have a buffer against toxic interactions. Thank you for considering the Spritzer and Continued Blessings.

  9. Zakiyyah Zai'mah February 1, 2017 at 9:57 am

    Thank you, Anu for sharing your insight and reflections on the importance of learning how to respond to negative comments. This brings to mind, Don Miguel Ruiz’s, ‘The Four Agreements’. Agreement number 2: “Don’t Take Anything Personally”. I believe that goes for compliments as well. I also know that as humans, and especially as a creative human being, we can become somewhat sidetracked by our detractors. But when we don’t take anything personally – including the compliments – we’ll be better off. Yes, compliments make us feel better and give us the impetus to want to do more and better – and Lord knows, we love to receive them. However, once we connect with our inner voice, and use Agreement number 1: “Be Impeccable With Your Word”, we learn to train ourselves to not speak negative thoughts to others and especially, to ourselves.

    So, Anu, in case you didn’t know this already, let me be the first to tell you that you are a harbinger of cultural, beauty, amazing scents and of course, the weather! Not only that, you are an icon in the making! So keep writing and elevating our thinking, our sense of smell and our perception of the numerous ways in which beauty presents itself!

    • anu February 1, 2017 at 10:01 am

      Ahhh Zaikyyah, What a wonderful writer you are! Thank you for taking the time to share your insights. Yes, Don Miquel Ruiz is exactly where I pulled that line, Don’t Take Anything Personally, and as you said, including compliments.

      Thank you for you kind word and continuous support. Much love!

  10. Betty Robinson February 2, 2017 at 8:59 pm

    I’m from Mississippi and just recently started reading your blogs. I follow you to help inspire my daughter because she too, is a natural stylist with her own salon. I love the inspiration that you give. We’re planning to come to New York for a wedding in Long Island. My cousin and nephew insist on showing us around, definitely you are on our list as a place to visit.

    • anu February 3, 2017 at 8:54 pm

      How awesome Betty! New York is definitely a nice place to visit, though rather intense so be ready for that.

      Congrats to your daughter. I am happy to know natural hair salons continue to emerge around the country.

      We look forward to seeing you when you arrive.

      Travel safe.

  11. Tretty Thomas February 3, 2017 at 8:41 pm

    You continue to inspire Mut Anu! You have such an incredible journey to share and to allow us in on so much of it is a gift. This is a perfect example of a piece that has, no doubt, given many of us/your readers the courage to get past similar challenges with the kind of grace that you have. Thank you and keep the inspiration and education coming!!

    • anu February 3, 2017 at 8:57 pm

      Awww Tretty T! You’re a fully grown woman now talking woman talk! It just delights me because I still remember that other you, the tenacious little, bright eyed girl who had no shame in begging me endlessly to do her hair. I marvel at you and your skills as a parent. Your children are indeed blessed to have you and your hubby as parents. Thank you Sweetheart for weighing in. Hugs, kisses.

  12. Charise K. Lawrence February 4, 2017 at 10:56 pm

    Keep writing, blogging and inspiring…While ‘everything ain’t for everybody’, if you just reach and have an impact on one or a few, you’ve accomplished your mission…I am in awe of all you have accomplished, Anu.

    Peace and blessings,

    • anu February 5, 2017 at 7:12 am

      Hi Charise,

      Long time! Thank you much! Blessings to you and yours.

  13. Judith jayblessed foster February 5, 2017 at 11:27 am

    Please continue to share your newsletter as I am inspired and encouraged, it is a blessing to be apart women of spiritual inspiration.

    • anu February 6, 2017 at 5:14 am

      Thank you Judith! It makes my heart sing to share stories of spiritual inspiration.

    • anu February 7, 2017 at 10:37 pm

      Thank you Judith and the feelings are mutual… women of spiritual inspiration, Yes!!!

  14. Elaine Robles February 14, 2017 at 9:13 am

    Anu, you are so inspiring. Meeting you when I did and seeing your growth fills my heart. Thank you for taking me through your trip vicariously I have traveled with you. I started reading the Valentine’s blog which is so on point. I love the way you share it’s from a very deep place. Thank you for all that you are.

    • anu February 14, 2017 at 9:24 am

      Thank you Elaine! You and your Beloved both remain in my heart, always! Happy Valentine’s Day!

  15. Isaiah February 12, 2018 at 6:35 am

    I must get across my respect for your kindness in support of folks that should have help on the niche. Your special commitment to passing the message all over ended up being remarkably effective and have really permitted folks much like me to get to their desired goals. Your amazing helpful guidelines denotes this much to me and much more to my colleagues. Warm regards; from all of us.

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